well I guess this is growing up

I'm stuck between growing up and living in the past. I can't really manage to move on, to move forward, nor can I manage to go that far back in the past & live how I used to. This is my dilema for the week, month...year, no, life.

My life was sex, drugs & rock'n'roll. Literally. Now...I guess 'rock n roll mama' is trying to grow up but it's hard to move on from your first true love. It fit. *I* fit in. The only place I ever did. More good memories than could be counted, even more good memories forgotten in drunken stupors on hotel floors and parked cars. Do I really want to go back there? Do I really want my kid to see me in that place? Do I really want my kid to be that?? Dear lord.

This upcoming weekend is my weekend off. No child. For a WHOLE weekend. I'm so giddy and tired and hopeful for an amazing time that I can't decide WHAT to do. It was supposed to be my weekend gettaway with "Edward" but true to suit, he cancelled. Well, he arranged it to his liking rather. Apparently he's gay or a terrified virgin because I think he's scared to spend the night with me. I mean really?! Don't you even know me? You really think I'd jump you? I may think about it and talk about it (thank you drunk dialing) but I wouldn't actually do it...I'm much too classy a lady to do that. Please. So anyways...he stated he doesn't like to do things on Friday except unwind (which ruins my plans of leaving Friday night) & will only do a day trip & spend the day w/ me on Saturday (rather than the whole weekend). Wow. What part of "weekend trip" did you not understand, genius? He killed it. I mean, it'd be nice to have a hotel room to myself - with QUIET - but how lame would that be?! & with my ADD, I'm pretty sure I would be bound to get bored after twenty minutes. So I don't know if I even want to do it anymore.

The other option is drive up to DC - 3 to 4 hour drive - and meet one of my best friends for a show. & spend the weekend w/ her. Which would most likely consist of driving, drinking, singing, hangover, driving. Not really that great when you step back and think about it. I could do the drinking/singing/hangover WITHOUT the driving right HERE. Just as I did on Friday. But it IS my best friend & favorite band. So I'm torn. Growing up is a bitch.

Aaaaand out of introspect mode...never was really good at it unless I was high anyways...

Today was a good day, minus where I had to beat the kid for not taking a nap/following instructions/blatantly being a little asshole to me. By beat, I mean spank...in private...damn those PC heretics for not letting me raise my child my way. We met up with a friend and had brunch at an awesome old school diner - I had the most delectable chicken & egg quesadilla. It was a bit spicy, moreso than I would normally go for, but man was it amazing! A piece of heaven was in my mouth today! After that, I went to a music store. Yes, a real live music store!! I found one!! AMAZING! Let's just ignore the fact that it's a corporate chain piece of shit...they still had MY MUSIC<3 So I was able to get the new album of the band I may or may not be seeing on Saturday (Bowling for Soup), one of Butch Walker's new ones (I'm soooo behind the times...), and an old Old 97's album. Heavenly. (There was obviously a lot of heaven in my day today) I also got the little gremlin Finding Nemo, which I had been promising for forever. I also got him Alice in Wonderland so he can watch that while I go see the movie that comes out FRIDAY!!! Woot! Oh, & an old school punk rock video compilation...so my kid will have some rockers to look up to. Haha! We then went to my favorite store, Target, where I spend too much money. [I think I will be openning some stocks w/ them & Starbucks in the near future, or they'll hire me to be their spokesperson.] Also got my homework done, some laundry done. Everything but cleaning the kitchen sink that's piled up four feet high with dishes. I could never be a housewife...unless I had a dishwasher. & maybe a maid. HAHAHA! So yes, good day. Time to fold laundry...& watch CSI. So I can have hot, sexy dreams of Nic Stokes. Heee! xoxo