Sunday, February 21, 2010


I seldom visit this site. I seldom write anymore, much less blog. But it's funny how certain things or events bring me right back to here. I guess not having any friends is finally taking a toll on me. God forbid I don't have anyone to bitch to, or talk boys with!

I'm writing this in procrastination of studying for a history test. I don't know why I just can't force myself to read the crap, but it's a whole hell of a lot more boring that I imagined it could be...being a self-paced (somewhat) online course and all. My test is open for an eight day which I have two days left to take it. I guess I should get reading...but alas, there are just so many facebook games out there!

My life hasn't changed much since I blogged last year. But then again, it's gotten a whole hell of a lot more lonely. I have a few friends in town, most of whom would probably drop everything at the blink of an eye for me, but I have this problem with asking for help. My mother moved out of the country so any help with my little gremlin went out the window. Speaking of the little gremlin, he's three. THREE YEARS OLD! I've had a child and cared for said child for three years without killing him or completely fucking him up! Plus full time work, plus full time job. I deserve a mother fucking medal of honor, damn it! It is nice to get the random messages from good friends, or even acquaintances, saying that they admire me or that they're proud of me. It reminds me that people do recognize and appreciate the multiple-job day-to-day gruel I endure. But sometimes, it's just not enough. While I love the gremlin, I lack the patience needed to be a great mother. And the time. Maybe if there were ten days in the week, I could be just a little better mother, employee, student, friend, etc. I don't even know who or where my freinds are anymore, they've all but disappeared since I started school last summer. I miss them. (I still miss home.)

I realized that although I hate my job, I do like the fact that I can "train" with other people and do a variety of things in my work day. I am no longer limited to doing data entry for an hour, and having to sit and look busy for the other seven. I've been helping with various departments, learning other jobs, and keeping busy...much needed for my sanity, as well as my ADD. Through work, I also realized that I developed a crush on my co-worker. A my age...haha! (**Not that I'm old per se, moreso my situation makes me feel older than I really am) I guess that would be fine and dandy except the idiot can't make up his mind. Or if he has made up his mind already, but he's definately not come out and let me know. And it drives me crazy. Past and present tense. Movie and lunch today, no clue what that was but at least it was fun. And a break from Gremlin. I could talk to the man all day...about everything and nothing all at once. And the last time someone made me smile and laugh like that...well, you know the rest of the story... He's just so god damn fickle. I think I shall call him Edward (yes after that trashy Twilight series we all secretly love so much). And yes, the irony in this is that he does hate the Twilight series with a passion, I love it and it works! I'd give a time limit on him, but the last time I did that, it didn't quite work in my favor.

So I saw From Paris With Love with my "Edward," and just as before, my fascination and love for John Travolta has sparked. He is such a badass in this movie, it's amazing. And of course I like guns and pretty things, movie explosions included, so this was pretty sick. I managed to find a sucker, er, sitter for my gremlin next weekend so I can go to the shooting range. Previously mentioned co-worker may go with me, we'll see. Also upcoming with my "Edward" would be a possible trip to a town an hour away...for a weekend. Hahaha...I bet anything the fickleness will win, he'll cancel, and I'll be in a beautiful hotel or timeshare (for FREE!) by MYSELF. How depressing would that be?! If that happens, I cannot be held accountable for my spending spree that will ensue. Oh how I do need a nice little Dolce & Gabbana dress, haha!

Oh, I do need a hobby. It's just that I haven't any time for one! Or money...considering the fact that I need moola both for the said hobby as well as for daycare. I would love to go to the shooting range more! I would also love the following things: bellydancing, kickboxing, self defense classes (I think I've beat up my neighbor so much he hates me), pole dancing (it intrigues me, ok?! and maybe if I had this down, Edward wouldn't be so flipping fickle), sewing (as in making clothes), general arts and crafts projects, ballroom dancing, salsa dancing, cake decorating, and the list goes on and on. Oops, another problem...I apparently have this social anxiety disorder and can't do anything ALONE! WTF?! We'll see what happens in the coming IS a new year after all, right?! I need to sleep...because I need to wake up early...because I procrastinated too late and didn't do a lick of styding...oops again!!!!!

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