It's been a while since I've done this...this whole "blogging" thing. I think I started with Livejournal when I was like, 16. I think I have four failed journals on that. I kept starting over to get away, or forget...or move on? I guess I'm doing it again...
So like the bio says...20-something single mom who can't grow up. Or get a clue. I love my kid & all but jesus god, sometimes I want to rip my hair out. Or scream. Actually, I do do a lot of that now. I think my voice has grown horse in the past two years. Hoarse. Fuck, I can't even spell anymore...
I miss dying my hair pink and black. I miss going to shows every night. Hell, I miss going out ... alone...& with PEOPLE. I miss being a former groupie whose "band house" was the hippest place in town to party. I miss my lip ring and tank tops and short skirts. I miss my life.
I love the kiddo & all but I was never ready for this. It all happened so fast...especially the part where his father disappeared out of our lives. [May he rot in hell.] I have no freaking clue what to do. & having my friends (& mom-the only family left) a million miles away doesn't help either.
I don't want sympathy, I don't know why everyone thinks so? I just want...to bitch. Seriously. I mean, I really don't know how much more my single (or not so single), non-parent friends can take my incessant whining of toddler temper tantrums, potty training, & cabin fever. We are sarcastic little bitches, we are. I guess moms are magically supposed to grow out of that & be "normal" & socialble or something? So needless to say, I haven't found many friends. & it's really hard to interact (or have a normal conversation) with a person when your two year old is screaming "no" & kicking & punching the ground. I'm old...I'm going deaf, I can't hear over the screaming. Actually, I think the deafness comes from standing in front of too many speakers but that's not the point...
Speaking of old, I found a white hair on MY head. I shit you not. I'm not old...hell, I'm not even 30. I have a white hair. That whole "terrible two's" must've gotten me or something. I definately think it's time to start dying my hair again, it's been like...six months! I don't want my head to look like salt & pepper shakers though...crap.
So anyways, I'll dye my hair & get over it. It's a new year already. It's crazy. The beginning of the year dragged by and then poof, it's August...then it's Christmas. Where the hell did those four months go?! I did nothing last year, I accomplished nothing in 2008. So I guess here's where I make my resolutions now huh???
My 2009 Resolutions:
1. I will stop being a fat ass & get off my couch & exercise. I will lose those 50lbs I've been meaning to by my birthday in June & get my beautiful new tattoo. & take that trip to FL...or BOTH!
2. I will learn to control my temper for my kid's sake. & my blood pressure.
3. I will stop cursing (at least in front of the munchkin) so he doesn't have such a colourful vocabulary when he starts pre-k.
4. I will take at least one class for myself this year. Whether it's scholastic or otherwise. *coughpoledancingcough* I need to find myself again...& have fun again...belly dancing/roller derby/swing/kickboxing here I come!
5. I will clean this god awful apartment once & for all. I will get rid of things I do not need or use; I will actually use my closet & dresser; & I will finally purchase a bookshelf & get all those freaking books out of the boxes in the living room.
6. I will find some way to volunteer my time to the Samaritan House. Or the ASPCA.
7. I will learn patience. In child rearing & driving specifically...
8. I will eat healthier & cook more. That way my kid will stop saying "french fry" & "pizza" every time it's time to eat. Opps.
9. I will be more optimistic. Yes, everybody knows Virginia sucks so I don't need to keep stating the obvious...hahaha
10. I will start trying to budget better, have actual money in our savings account, and not use my credit cards. & pay off that nasty credit card debt I've accumulated...
11. 50 Book Challenge (I only got 25 last year...)
12. No more procrastinating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
& on that note, I need to jump in the shower & get some sleep!!! I gotta be up in five hours to get ready for work. Ugh! Why would they make a Thursday a holiday & not a Friday...sooooo cruel.
Happy New Years World. Me. Kiddo.